"Instead I’m just stalled at the sexual equivalent of picking up coffee and shredding sensitive documents." I LOVE this line, hilarious and totally ties together all the themes. Wish you the best of luck and excited to hear how the full-time gig working goes.
Your channel is one of the best things on Substack. For selfish reasons I'm realize I will lose something valuable if you get immersed in a successfully upwardly mobile Ph.D program and lifestyle. You won't be on the inside of the scammy, sleazy $10 million residential/assistant-abusing lifestyle. But you've got to "Follow Your Bliss." Lol. . . . I'm not worried. You'll find plenty of underbelly low-lifes in the Ph.d program.
HAHAHAHA I am looking forward to finding the low-lifes in the university bureaucracy and writing about them for you. thank you for the kind and funny comment
"But honestly I’m bored and feel like the sex was good because I made it good, a realization many women come to in their long careers of having sex with men."
So well put. More often that not, I feel like the first 10 min of every hookup are spent trying to get the man out his porn induced mode. In porn videos, the actors's bodies are always so distant and far away from one another so the director and cameraman can get the shot and angles they want. And sometimes when men have sex, they try to emmulate exactly that.
Bc they tend to watch more porn than actually have sex so it is their primary idea of what fucking should be. BUT!!! We are people and we need contact! Closeness! Breaths mingling!
Therefore, every fucking 10 mins are spent trying to get the guy to have real sex bc it is way more enjoyble this way since it is the way we were always meant to fuck. Not an artificial separated fiction.
THIS WAS SUCH A GREAT WAY OF PUTTING IT, WOW. I had actually thought of the porn thing but the way I phrased it in my head made it seem too crazy and far-fetched -- like, have men really internalized the porn gaze so much that they fuck at these weird, anti-intimate angles for some camera's view that isn't there? I guess they actually do, maybe.
The way you worded it really solidified it for me. It's true, most men watch more porn than they fuck, and they embody now what they watch because they probably think it looks hotter or is hotter to fuck from far away and "look good" or have all the bodies lean/upright/hyper-visible to one another and be able to see everything. But like you said, "Contact! Closeness! Breaths mingling!" It's so infuriating to have to beg for that every 2-10 minutes, and it's just not worth it anymore imo. there is better sex to be had and i have had it!
Oooof. I relate so hard to this article as a former personal assistant. I'm glad you quit early cause working for my boss for 8 months really messed me up. I wasn't ever properly trained (kind of like you) and was always on edge of losing my job since it was a constant guessing game / working late nights to meet deadlines since she wouldn't review anything until like 8 pm and then would start micromanaging lol
I am so sorry you went through that but also it's validating to hear that someone else finds this bizarre and fucked up. Yes -- in these assistant positions I am always waiting to get fired because the boss gets SO UPSET and I'm shocked to find I am not fired, and in addition, the next day I get this creepy smile and friendly attitude as if nothing happened? It's just totally normal to them. Also having to wait until 8 PM to find out if you need to change anything is diabolical. Glad you're out of that. Thank you for your congratulations!
Damn girl, I also was an assistant and going through this shit at your age. I stayed too long, got PTSD. I'm so glad you quit. You're immensely funny with unique style and hope you put all your energy into keeping this up. Looking forward to reading more.
I am so sorry you got PTSD, and I am so glad you eventually quit, but it is validating to hear that it does truly suck. Sometimes I worry if I am too sensitive because I meet so many other young people with crazy bosses and they seem somehow to be able to deal with. I just can't, it's bizarre and ridiculous to speak to anyone like that. Thank you so much for your kind comment and I will continue to post in my unique style! Excited for the future
Loved it!! You're so talented, you can write fascinating social commentary AND great sex scenes. So happy we get to witness you honing your craft here because I'm sure you'll get on to have a great career as a writer one day. Congratulations on your PhD. Also... How did Joan react when you gave your resignation?
thank you so much that is so kind! i hope so too -- for a writing career about society and sex and the economy. honestly i texted her and then blocked her immediately afterward; i was able to find out that she found another assistant immediately after. she had probably 500+ applicants online and several she interviewed and also tried out in office, so someone else can try to deal with her.
This is fucking amazing. This line was awesome: I am not a cog, I’m not a machine, I’m a woman of the jungle. I’m undomesticated, a dog in an alleyway, a bitch in heat. Don’t ask me to learn another CRM technique or SEO system.
I genuinely enjoyed reading this, this is sooo good!! More please!! Good thing you quit that assistant job, those people sounded like a nightmare.
thank you and thank you! yeah, they were a nightmare and now fortunately not my problem anymore
Damn all the emotions were felt reading this one
"Instead I’m just stalled at the sexual equivalent of picking up coffee and shredding sensitive documents." I LOVE this line, hilarious and totally ties together all the themes. Wish you the best of luck and excited to hear how the full-time gig working goes.
thank u sm jennifer!!!
“May this love never find me” — I laughed aloud. Love this!
Lolll thank you 😂
you are so FUN, what a wonderful, insightful, and raw read. thank you
thank you!!!! I appreciate it so much <3
Congrats on your PhD offer!!!
aw thank you!
Your channel is one of the best things on Substack. For selfish reasons I'm realize I will lose something valuable if you get immersed in a successfully upwardly mobile Ph.D program and lifestyle. You won't be on the inside of the scammy, sleazy $10 million residential/assistant-abusing lifestyle. But you've got to "Follow Your Bliss." Lol. . . . I'm not worried. You'll find plenty of underbelly low-lifes in the Ph.d program.
HAHAHAHA I am looking forward to finding the low-lifes in the university bureaucracy and writing about them for you. thank you for the kind and funny comment
"But honestly I’m bored and feel like the sex was good because I made it good, a realization many women come to in their long careers of having sex with men."
So well put. More often that not, I feel like the first 10 min of every hookup are spent trying to get the man out his porn induced mode. In porn videos, the actors's bodies are always so distant and far away from one another so the director and cameraman can get the shot and angles they want. And sometimes when men have sex, they try to emmulate exactly that.
Bc they tend to watch more porn than actually have sex so it is their primary idea of what fucking should be. BUT!!! We are people and we need contact! Closeness! Breaths mingling!
Therefore, every fucking 10 mins are spent trying to get the guy to have real sex bc it is way more enjoyble this way since it is the way we were always meant to fuck. Not an artificial separated fiction.
THIS WAS SUCH A GREAT WAY OF PUTTING IT, WOW. I had actually thought of the porn thing but the way I phrased it in my head made it seem too crazy and far-fetched -- like, have men really internalized the porn gaze so much that they fuck at these weird, anti-intimate angles for some camera's view that isn't there? I guess they actually do, maybe.
The way you worded it really solidified it for me. It's true, most men watch more porn than they fuck, and they embody now what they watch because they probably think it looks hotter or is hotter to fuck from far away and "look good" or have all the bodies lean/upright/hyper-visible to one another and be able to see everything. But like you said, "Contact! Closeness! Breaths mingling!" It's so infuriating to have to beg for that every 2-10 minutes, and it's just not worth it anymore imo. there is better sex to be had and i have had it!
My heart was beating when you described your boss’ worldview…. Mine is like that, too.
Im so sorry, I hope they chill tf out
Oooof. I relate so hard to this article as a former personal assistant. I'm glad you quit early cause working for my boss for 8 months really messed me up. I wasn't ever properly trained (kind of like you) and was always on edge of losing my job since it was a constant guessing game / working late nights to meet deadlines since she wouldn't review anything until like 8 pm and then would start micromanaging lol
Congrats on being admitted to your PhD!
I am so sorry you went through that but also it's validating to hear that someone else finds this bizarre and fucked up. Yes -- in these assistant positions I am always waiting to get fired because the boss gets SO UPSET and I'm shocked to find I am not fired, and in addition, the next day I get this creepy smile and friendly attitude as if nothing happened? It's just totally normal to them. Also having to wait until 8 PM to find out if you need to change anything is diabolical. Glad you're out of that. Thank you for your congratulations!
Damn girl, I also was an assistant and going through this shit at your age. I stayed too long, got PTSD. I'm so glad you quit. You're immensely funny with unique style and hope you put all your energy into keeping this up. Looking forward to reading more.
I am so sorry you got PTSD, and I am so glad you eventually quit, but it is validating to hear that it does truly suck. Sometimes I worry if I am too sensitive because I meet so many other young people with crazy bosses and they seem somehow to be able to deal with. I just can't, it's bizarre and ridiculous to speak to anyone like that. Thank you so much for your kind comment and I will continue to post in my unique style! Excited for the future
Thanks for the post. I thought you disappeared.
Loved it!! You're so talented, you can write fascinating social commentary AND great sex scenes. So happy we get to witness you honing your craft here because I'm sure you'll get on to have a great career as a writer one day. Congratulations on your PhD. Also... How did Joan react when you gave your resignation?
thank you so much that is so kind! i hope so too -- for a writing career about society and sex and the economy. honestly i texted her and then blocked her immediately afterward; i was able to find out that she found another assistant immediately after. she had probably 500+ applicants online and several she interviewed and also tried out in office, so someone else can try to deal with her.
"500+ applicants"
She probably needs to run all her applicants through AI so it can find her maximum exploitable applicant victim.
Ah if only there was an AI who could tell who’s the most desperate and the least self-respecting…
you’re so electric! glad you’re free from Joann’s clutches. congrats on the PhD offer, they’ll be lucky to have you.
aw thank you! i am really excited and also grateful to be away from that mess
This is fucking amazing. This line was awesome: I am not a cog, I’m not a machine, I’m a woman of the jungle. I’m undomesticated, a dog in an alleyway, a bitch in heat. Don’t ask me to learn another CRM technique or SEO system.
thank you!!! so glad you appreciated it and relate to being feral and not a cog
Fabulous writing and great insights into the life of the rich and into female biology. Thanks! And best of succes with your Ph.D.
Thanks so much! Also I messaged you back in DMs