the thing about the million rounds for jobs is so real. if someone is literally becoming CEO or a director, sure, put them through the whole circus, but it's crazy how literal receptionist and assistant teaching jobs have 5-10 rounds of application stuff. i can't imagine and don't want to try to think about how much time i have spent filling out boxes about my resume, or short answer questions about how i would handle a certain conflict at work or whatever, only to never even hear back! there's probably a ton of shit i have written and passwords i have made, all for my app to never even get viewed because the AI threw it out. boooooo
i found part one of this series after someone linked it on bluesky, and i thought, "omg, i thought i was the only one facing this never-ending unemployment, but i'm not!" it made me feel both relieved, yet mortified for our generation...
i read all your other articles on here (and subscribed of course), and when i saw this one had an audio version, i immediately hit play. it's dismal as fuck out here, but knowing there's someone out there facing the same struggle and shedding light on the matter makes me feel less ashamed about my current situation as well.
i'm hopeful everything will work out, and thank you so much for the much needed laughs!
thanks for reading! i am so glad you found my pieces and that they made you feel less alone. i am both surprised and also kind of not surprised my original post got shared so much to bluesky and x and stuff. there are so many people, apparently, in this humiliating and godforsaken job market. and im glad you enjoyed the audio, ill keep doing them!
and you should feel no shame at all. the only people who should feel ashamed are the people making ghost job listings, hiring nepo hires, axing jobs so that one person has to perform the roles of 7 people, and the people who ruined the economy w austerity bullshit. i hope everything works out for you as well, you at least seem like a terrific person and i would employ you if i could!
Your writing never fails to make me break out in hives 🫶 I’m really glad I don’t live in the US and don’t have to be as resourceful and ‘manifest destiny’ as this
An Uber driver told me that to get a job at McDonalds now takes at least two interviews. It was pre-Covid, in Atlanta, and the job was at $7.50 per hour.
I'm a couple generations ahead of you, and semi-retired, but I think only one job in my life (and I'm well into double-digits) required more than one interview--a district sales manager job for a computer company in 1987. And when I say more than one interview, what I mean is after the boss/owner interviewed me in Atlanta, and basically decided to hire me, at his company's expense he flew me to Boston and put me up at the Sheraton, and invited me to the headquarters to "interview" with a couple department heads. But by that point the interviews were fait accompli, rather than competitive, selective interviews.
it is literally insane that McDonald's is doing 2 rounds. I have heard horror stories on here at tech companies, like seven rounds and 3 different test tasks. it's unfair for so many reasons -- single parents and people who have to work while searching for work don't have the time or energy for that, etc. i think the most insidious aspect of this is the way it over-professionalizes and bullshit-ifies and competitivizes things that should be really normal and casual. people used to be able to easily get an entry to mid level job, and even learn skills on the job. now everything, even from being a fucking paralegal to working at Zara, has become about "pitching" yourself, knowing every technique and tech platform in existence, and then making minimum wage. it also promotes the insipid corporate culture where there's so many bullshit jobs and people justify their nonsense position by getting to interview new hires or create these test tasks, etc. HR and all of these departments need to be cut.
The screen actors guild has a rule that audition tapes cannot be longer than 10 mins or something like that. i think something like this needs to be applied as a blanket rule to other industries. it should not require a person more than 10 minutes to apply for a job if it pays less than $65,000 per year. for every $10,000 after that, you can ask for five more minutes of labor/effort. But when a job pays $49,000 per year and wants an hour of your time for all kinds of nonsense -- we need to put a stop to it.
Trying to find work after college with a an English lit degree was one of the worst and most humiliating experiences of my life. It was made worse by this taking place circa 2006-2008. I actually went back to working in kitchens again for a while. In hindsight I probably should have stuck with it. I'd have probably done better financially as a chef, my frail ego just couldn't handle doing the same job I had before going to college. My long slide into left wing politics started then, it's when I really started to hate capitalism. I read a lot of Marx. It's no coincidence most of the dirt bag left came out of that milieu in Brooklyn and it's even wilder to see "indie sleaze" become cool. I've finally lived long enough to see things I lived become retro.
I eventually admitted defeat and became an accountant. It was cynical and mercenary. Most people hate doing the work so there's less competition and you can drop employers like a bad habit. It feels good to throw my weight around now after years of getting my ass kicked on the bottom tier of corporate America. I'd like to say it gets better, and I guess it sort of does, if you can call that better. Mostly I just gave up and moved back to the Midwest.
HUMILIATING is such a good word for it. I am constantly feeling so embarrassed and like a beggar at these things. I am sorry you hit that time in your life around 2008. Your radicalization is a positive though, we need more people who realize how bizarre and dystopian it is to expect so much of people, pay them so little, and generally give young adults so little protection in the world. The US needs affordable healthcare and housing and higher education -- now. I hear the mixed sentiments in your final paragraph, but I will say being able to tell an employer to f off is amazing and that's a great freedom to have. Sorry about the defeat, but it's not your fault. I hope you get to do some creative and fun things outside of work, based on your comment you seem cool. thanks for the kind words.
I found this article through Notes (which for the first time led me to an article I actually wanted to read!!) and then I binge read all your other articles. I'm also 24, also looking for job, not in LA, but I seriously resonated with this. Your writing had me laughing out loud while also going "YUP" every other sentence. I remember even at an intern level applying to summer positions and having to complete weird behavioral tests to measure my ability to fit with the team. We're conditioned to apply to jobs with ridiculous recruitment demands so that by the time we have to do it all over again for full time gigs, typing in our resume experience word for word is relatively bearable and unfortunately par for the course. Hopefully the people who NEED to read this piece see it (@ those who use HireVue in particular, for example). Good luck to you in your job search!!
Oh Gd I don't even know what HireVue is and I don't want to know. I feel like all of these new sites and new processes for hiring are small cracks in a crumbling system/civilization. We're in some sort of dark age if people really accept this and think it's normal. The behavioral/personality tests are absurd and dystopian. I think it's because the people who are able to make it and succeed in the corporate world are socially maladjusted themselves, so they want to root out people who are that way, or something. IDK it all goes back to how disconnected and socially ill we are as a society, that we cannot just trust one another to be normal and communicative, and also that jobs are no longer just normal, pleasant, kind of boring places you go to earn money then go home. weird. I am glad I could give you some laughs and validation and I really appreciate your kind encouraging comment.
I'm old enough (shudder) to be your granny, and STG if I had had to do one-eighth of what you're going through to get a job at your age, I'm not sure I'd be alive today. Yes, I have had my share of awful bosses and ridiculous demands, but it is banana-fucking-pants now. I wish I had a job to give you! (You'd have to move to Madison, WI if I did, so it's probably not meant to be. Fooey.) Best of luck. Try not to let the bastards get you down.
Thank you so much Judi, this was such a kind and validating comment. It is absurd and ridiculous, I am going to do some research on how and why we got here and what the heck is going on. appreciate your kindness
The hole puncher questionnaire is an absolute winner for me—you can't make this up. It's honestly tragicomic. I love how you banalize these processes to the point of absurdity and how approachable and relatable your texts are. Nice work, you really made me laugh!
I also feel sorry for your experience in Belgrade. It’s disheartening that people behave that way, and I can completely relate because I live nearby and know exactly the kind of people you're talking about. Yuck, yuck.
Hana I always love your comments! Yes, the hole puncher quiz question was beyond dystopian. I hope historians in 300 years from now look at that and see it as one of the many small cracks in our crumbling civilization; I hope we are coming upon a renaissance soon, because this isn't it. I am glad we can at least laugh through this.
And yes about the Balkans -- a lot of my Serb and Croat friends told me it's a common thing for certain adults to act like that in Belgrade/Zagreb etc. I didn't get it, but it was an interesting experience.
So true: “I am a Human Being. YOU TOO, are a Human Being. Human Beings were not put on this earth to drive for two hours on the freeway, write emails, eat mediocre food in isolation, and watch Netflix five days in a row between the ages of 22-65 with two weeks of time off.” Oh the number of crap jobs I did in my 20s. 🙈 I would say you’ll get there but this economy is crazy and it’s so difficult. 😭
Commenting as I listen along but omg I’ve had sooooo many horrible, toxic bosses that when I started managing I wanted to be anything but an arsehole. 🙈 I am proud of getting my team raises and improving their employee engagement scores. Bosses should strive to make work a happier place and celebrate their team’s successes and help them achieve their ambitions. No one would work on things that don’t excite them if it wasn’t for pay. 🤦🏻♀️🙄
thank you jacqueline for your validation and i am so happy i could make you laugh! and i am very resourceful, one day i am sure a worthy employer will take note ✏️
I was just thinking that you're already paying your dues with all the work you do. And what is $4000/month anyway? It's the equivalent of about 800 paid monthly subscribers. I mean...that's not impossible for someone as talented (and social media savvy) as you
Hey so I run my own marketing/PR shop in LA and I’m a millennial which means I’m young enough to fully agree with everything you’re saying and old enough to not know how to send a DM on Substack. Anyway, I have video/socials work that I contract out fairly regularly so hit me up if that’s at all of interest. It’s not going to pay all your rent or anything but I pay on time and I’m not a dick.
One time I applied for a Whole Foods “marketing” job, which was a super glorified term for “pass out free samples”. They made me come up with an original recipe, print recipes cards, and then do a live cooking demo (with samples!) of the corn chowder I created. I spent over $100 (I bought a crockpot to transport the food) and like 4 days preparing. They offered me the job, then reneged the offer after I wasn’t able to come sign the paper work in person by a certain date because I flew out of town for a funeral. This was 10 years ago and I still get 🤬🤬🤬 thinking about it.
the thing about the million rounds for jobs is so real. if someone is literally becoming CEO or a director, sure, put them through the whole circus, but it's crazy how literal receptionist and assistant teaching jobs have 5-10 rounds of application stuff. i can't imagine and don't want to try to think about how much time i have spent filling out boxes about my resume, or short answer questions about how i would handle a certain conflict at work or whatever, only to never even hear back! there's probably a ton of shit i have written and passwords i have made, all for my app to never even get viewed because the AI threw it out. boooooo
omg i forgot the AI thing...this will be included in next week's column
i found part one of this series after someone linked it on bluesky, and i thought, "omg, i thought i was the only one facing this never-ending unemployment, but i'm not!" it made me feel both relieved, yet mortified for our generation...
i read all your other articles on here (and subscribed of course), and when i saw this one had an audio version, i immediately hit play. it's dismal as fuck out here, but knowing there's someone out there facing the same struggle and shedding light on the matter makes me feel less ashamed about my current situation as well.
i'm hopeful everything will work out, and thank you so much for the much needed laughs!
thanks for reading! i am so glad you found my pieces and that they made you feel less alone. i am both surprised and also kind of not surprised my original post got shared so much to bluesky and x and stuff. there are so many people, apparently, in this humiliating and godforsaken job market. and im glad you enjoyed the audio, ill keep doing them!
and you should feel no shame at all. the only people who should feel ashamed are the people making ghost job listings, hiring nepo hires, axing jobs so that one person has to perform the roles of 7 people, and the people who ruined the economy w austerity bullshit. i hope everything works out for you as well, you at least seem like a terrific person and i would employ you if i could!
Your writing never fails to make me break out in hives 🫶 I’m really glad I don’t live in the US and don’t have to be as resourceful and ‘manifest destiny’ as this
it is bleak af here, i am glad for u too. also i think if i could remove myself further i would see even more how hive-inducing this shit is
An Uber driver told me that to get a job at McDonalds now takes at least two interviews. It was pre-Covid, in Atlanta, and the job was at $7.50 per hour.
I'm a couple generations ahead of you, and semi-retired, but I think only one job in my life (and I'm well into double-digits) required more than one interview--a district sales manager job for a computer company in 1987. And when I say more than one interview, what I mean is after the boss/owner interviewed me in Atlanta, and basically decided to hire me, at his company's expense he flew me to Boston and put me up at the Sheraton, and invited me to the headquarters to "interview" with a couple department heads. But by that point the interviews were fait accompli, rather than competitive, selective interviews.
it is literally insane that McDonald's is doing 2 rounds. I have heard horror stories on here at tech companies, like seven rounds and 3 different test tasks. it's unfair for so many reasons -- single parents and people who have to work while searching for work don't have the time or energy for that, etc. i think the most insidious aspect of this is the way it over-professionalizes and bullshit-ifies and competitivizes things that should be really normal and casual. people used to be able to easily get an entry to mid level job, and even learn skills on the job. now everything, even from being a fucking paralegal to working at Zara, has become about "pitching" yourself, knowing every technique and tech platform in existence, and then making minimum wage. it also promotes the insipid corporate culture where there's so many bullshit jobs and people justify their nonsense position by getting to interview new hires or create these test tasks, etc. HR and all of these departments need to be cut.
The screen actors guild has a rule that audition tapes cannot be longer than 10 mins or something like that. i think something like this needs to be applied as a blanket rule to other industries. it should not require a person more than 10 minutes to apply for a job if it pays less than $65,000 per year. for every $10,000 after that, you can ask for five more minutes of labor/effort. But when a job pays $49,000 per year and wants an hour of your time for all kinds of nonsense -- we need to put a stop to it.
Trying to find work after college with a an English lit degree was one of the worst and most humiliating experiences of my life. It was made worse by this taking place circa 2006-2008. I actually went back to working in kitchens again for a while. In hindsight I probably should have stuck with it. I'd have probably done better financially as a chef, my frail ego just couldn't handle doing the same job I had before going to college. My long slide into left wing politics started then, it's when I really started to hate capitalism. I read a lot of Marx. It's no coincidence most of the dirt bag left came out of that milieu in Brooklyn and it's even wilder to see "indie sleaze" become cool. I've finally lived long enough to see things I lived become retro.
I eventually admitted defeat and became an accountant. It was cynical and mercenary. Most people hate doing the work so there's less competition and you can drop employers like a bad habit. It feels good to throw my weight around now after years of getting my ass kicked on the bottom tier of corporate America. I'd like to say it gets better, and I guess it sort of does, if you can call that better. Mostly I just gave up and moved back to the Midwest.
HUMILIATING is such a good word for it. I am constantly feeling so embarrassed and like a beggar at these things. I am sorry you hit that time in your life around 2008. Your radicalization is a positive though, we need more people who realize how bizarre and dystopian it is to expect so much of people, pay them so little, and generally give young adults so little protection in the world. The US needs affordable healthcare and housing and higher education -- now. I hear the mixed sentiments in your final paragraph, but I will say being able to tell an employer to f off is amazing and that's a great freedom to have. Sorry about the defeat, but it's not your fault. I hope you get to do some creative and fun things outside of work, based on your comment you seem cool. thanks for the kind words.
I found this article through Notes (which for the first time led me to an article I actually wanted to read!!) and then I binge read all your other articles. I'm also 24, also looking for job, not in LA, but I seriously resonated with this. Your writing had me laughing out loud while also going "YUP" every other sentence. I remember even at an intern level applying to summer positions and having to complete weird behavioral tests to measure my ability to fit with the team. We're conditioned to apply to jobs with ridiculous recruitment demands so that by the time we have to do it all over again for full time gigs, typing in our resume experience word for word is relatively bearable and unfortunately par for the course. Hopefully the people who NEED to read this piece see it (@ those who use HireVue in particular, for example). Good luck to you in your job search!!
Oh Gd I don't even know what HireVue is and I don't want to know. I feel like all of these new sites and new processes for hiring are small cracks in a crumbling system/civilization. We're in some sort of dark age if people really accept this and think it's normal. The behavioral/personality tests are absurd and dystopian. I think it's because the people who are able to make it and succeed in the corporate world are socially maladjusted themselves, so they want to root out people who are that way, or something. IDK it all goes back to how disconnected and socially ill we are as a society, that we cannot just trust one another to be normal and communicative, and also that jobs are no longer just normal, pleasant, kind of boring places you go to earn money then go home. weird. I am glad I could give you some laughs and validation and I really appreciate your kind encouraging comment.
I'm old enough (shudder) to be your granny, and STG if I had had to do one-eighth of what you're going through to get a job at your age, I'm not sure I'd be alive today. Yes, I have had my share of awful bosses and ridiculous demands, but it is banana-fucking-pants now. I wish I had a job to give you! (You'd have to move to Madison, WI if I did, so it's probably not meant to be. Fooey.) Best of luck. Try not to let the bastards get you down.
Thank you so much Judi, this was such a kind and validating comment. It is absurd and ridiculous, I am going to do some research on how and why we got here and what the heck is going on. appreciate your kindness
This is some of the best writing I've ever seen on substack
thank you so much, means the whole world 2 me
The hole puncher questionnaire is an absolute winner for me—you can't make this up. It's honestly tragicomic. I love how you banalize these processes to the point of absurdity and how approachable and relatable your texts are. Nice work, you really made me laugh!
I also feel sorry for your experience in Belgrade. It’s disheartening that people behave that way, and I can completely relate because I live nearby and know exactly the kind of people you're talking about. Yuck, yuck.
Anyway, great piece—I really enjoyed reading it!
Hana I always love your comments! Yes, the hole puncher quiz question was beyond dystopian. I hope historians in 300 years from now look at that and see it as one of the many small cracks in our crumbling civilization; I hope we are coming upon a renaissance soon, because this isn't it. I am glad we can at least laugh through this.
And yes about the Balkans -- a lot of my Serb and Croat friends told me it's a common thing for certain adults to act like that in Belgrade/Zagreb etc. I didn't get it, but it was an interesting experience.
“When there really is a job, applicants are now required to jump through so many fucking hoops. The most entry level ass shit requires you to…” 🤣🤣🤣
So true: “I am a Human Being. YOU TOO, are a Human Being. Human Beings were not put on this earth to drive for two hours on the freeway, write emails, eat mediocre food in isolation, and watch Netflix five days in a row between the ages of 22-65 with two weeks of time off.” Oh the number of crap jobs I did in my 20s. 🙈 I would say you’ll get there but this economy is crazy and it’s so difficult. 😭
Commenting as I listen along but omg I’ve had sooooo many horrible, toxic bosses that when I started managing I wanted to be anything but an arsehole. 🙈 I am proud of getting my team raises and improving their employee engagement scores. Bosses should strive to make work a happier place and celebrate their team’s successes and help them achieve their ambitions. No one would work on things that don’t excite them if it wasn’t for pay. 🤦🏻♀️🙄
And that assistant job! Eek! Is the continual try out the actual labour? 🤦🏻♀️ Is she going to hire anyone. Crazy!
Im broke as hell for the time being but when I can Im totally buying a subscribtion
thank u legend <3 no rush and good luck out there
Refreshing and enthralling, always impressed
thank you so much <3 glad u enjoyed, means the world 🌎
This is all terrible, but you made me laugh (a lot). I hate this jumping through hoops crap, but you are so resourceful. I'm incredibly impressed.
thank you jacqueline for your validation and i am so happy i could make you laugh! and i am very resourceful, one day i am sure a worthy employer will take note ✏️
I was just thinking that you're already paying your dues with all the work you do. And what is $4000/month anyway? It's the equivalent of about 800 paid monthly subscribers. I mean...that's not impossible for someone as talented (and social media savvy) as you
Hey so I run my own marketing/PR shop in LA and I’m a millennial which means I’m young enough to fully agree with everything you’re saying and old enough to not know how to send a DM on Substack. Anyway, I have video/socials work that I contract out fairly regularly so hit me up if that’s at all of interest. It’s not going to pay all your rent or anything but I pay on time and I’m not a dick.
i love reading your stuff, you are SO fucking funny! Thanks for writing <3
One time I applied for a Whole Foods “marketing” job, which was a super glorified term for “pass out free samples”. They made me come up with an original recipe, print recipes cards, and then do a live cooking demo (with samples!) of the corn chowder I created. I spent over $100 (I bought a crockpot to transport the food) and like 4 days preparing. They offered me the job, then reneged the offer after I wasn’t able to come sign the paper work in person by a certain date because I flew out of town for a funeral. This was 10 years ago and I still get 🤬🤬🤬 thinking about it.